It’s been two months since posting on facebook, six months
since updating my blog, and about seven months since transitioning away from
full-time vocational church ministry. For those who have asked, for those who
have been curious, and for the close few that have been prayerfully joining me
in this journey …here’s an update.
1st, what started out as a 30-day New Years resolution to
‘limit’ my social-media consumption turned into a two-month fast from posting
and viewing facebook/twitter/instagram etc… My motivation was to invest the
social-media time into my personal relationship with Jesus, believing that He
desired my attention (through prayer) and my devotion (through reading
scripture). What has God been saying? Simply; to love Him with all my heart,
soul, mind and strength (Matthew 22). Yet profoundly; that my love for Him is
in response to His love for me (1 John 4). Through these past two months I have
once again been reminded of my ‘identity’ in Christ, that in Him alone (not in
‘being liked, requested or followed’ I find security, significance and
assurance.
2nd, over the course of the past six months I have been
‘blown away’ by how gracious, loving and good God has been to me. He has
provided opportunities for me to preach at churches (large/small,
conservative/charismatic, mean/nice, denominational/independent), join the
Adjunct Faculty at Fresno Pacific University’s Business School & School of
Theology, launch a consulting practice w/ churches, schools and non-profits, in
addition to becoming a mentor, coach, advisor and friend for both small/medium
sized business owners. Most importantly, for the first time ever, I became
Paige’s soccer coach, Blake’s cross-country/moto-cross booster and Amy’s
biggest fan. Just last week I had the opportunity to meet w/ my counselor Steve
for a six month ‘check-up’. He reaffirmed that I am doing ‘exactly’ what I
setout to do six months ago, but also confirmed my hunch that God was getting
ready to both stretch/launch me into what was next.
3rd, Amy (because she’s now our primary breadwinner) and I
agreed that after almost two decades of full-time vocational church ministry
w/out a significant break or Sabbatical, that we should not seriously consider
joining/pursuing any full-time vocational positions for six months. Wow, talk
about ‘detox’!! When your ‘identity’ had become so enmeshed w/ your role as a
‘pastor’ on ‘paid staff’ at a church, ‘civilian life’ takes some getting used
to. For the Sunday’s that I’m not preaching/teaching/consulting I have become
much more empathetic to life as a parishioner (dang those messages are long),
outsider (what does that acronym mean?), and otherwise anonymous (yeah, I ‘use’ to
be a pastor). Needless to say, the Lord has revealed areas of pride, control
and fear that He still desires to redeem in my life. He has also, through this
season, reaffirmed my deep love for people and very strong calling to serve His
church.
Living in California has been both wonderful and terrible.
Wonderful because we have been able to see our kids flourish at FresnoChristian, spend quality time with our Fresno family, re-connect w/ a few
friends, make some new friends, see the sunshine (a lot), play golf (probably too much),
and be ‘stretched’ to trust God in ways and at levels we’ve never imagined. Its
been terrible because we both had unrealistic expectations of how easy
transitioning back into a small/large town like Fresno would be, which has led
to some pretty serious disappointment in others/ourselves/and yes, God. Most surprising has been how much we have
missed our Portland friends, faith family and food (yes, micro-brews too). We
remain convinced that the Lord directed us to transition off staff at New Hope,
but remain heartbroken for the loss of relationships, community and calling we
once had to my home town.
What’s next? After a season of ‘Selah’, and after two months
of concerted prayer and fasting, Amy and I are once again at the ‘crossroads’ of discerning our next
step in a growing relationship with Jesus. Would you please join our family as
we pray for the ‘wisdom’ to discern God’s will, and that we will have the
‘courage’ to say ‘yes’?
Because it is my life's mission to 'love God and love people', I will strive to be an encouragement to you and others by sharing helpful, heartfelt, humorous and positive truth revealed through real-life. I will also be using facebook to speak words of faith, hope and love ...only. Finally, in light of this update, I promise to do a better job of posting on the blog to keep you in the loop on where the Lord is leading the Deffenbacher family.
Grace & Peace,
Brent & Amy Deffenbacher
March 1, 2014
